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I trust only myself now.

I trust only myself now.
I trust only myself now.

I’m 20: I’m trying to build my first business, I don’t have days off, I watch joyful students my

, whose parents pay for tuition and give as pocket money, I already have a hard time understanding how it’s like to ask my mother for money, I rent a house myself and study business in practice. I also dye my hair pink without asking anyone’s permission.

THEY: they look at me strangely, I am independent, cool, incomprehensible, but my parents wag their finger - they say, without education, I will still wash the floors in the entrance.

I’m 25: I lost my business, I’m trying to build from scratch, I’m scared and there’s only polite contempt around me - they say, where are you going? Even with a child - pfft, you can give up.

THEY: get their first jobs, pretend to be important office workers, move out from their parents, point a finger - look, the girl tried something and look. It’s nice when someone is feeling bad, it will warm your soul. And then there are some incomprehensible worlds in my head, well, everything is clear.

I’m 30: I lost my second business because of the war, I’m making timid attempts to write articles and texts, I’m adapting to the capital, I’m cutting my hair short because I have no money for hair, I’m accelerating my reality and I know that a breakthrough is coming. I see my future. I understand that I can’t go anywhere further than the neighboring city because of migration problems, and I see how those who have already visited 20 countries whine that their life is boring.

THEY: they already go to Turkey to warm up excess fat, they take out cars on credit, they go to a psychologist, and for them I am a total loser without a work book, they get divorced or give birth, they drink on Fridays, and they whine and whine and whine. They give up on me - well, that’s it, an example of a loser is guaranteed even for future grandchildren.

I'm 38: Sunday, Mozart is playing, I leisurely choose a designer chair and a silk nightgown, and consume lactose-free yogurt ice cream. I plan a lot, I write and create paintings, I meet with friends, I choose a chest of drawers, there is a war in the country, and I fight, I create, I rise. I have already learned how not to lose during periods of cataclysms. And I even do repairs. Everything is set up just as it was in my visions. And now I trust only myself.

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